I think my fart just growled at me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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