Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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