This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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