I hate all girls vehemently.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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