I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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