Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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