What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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