My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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