its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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