Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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