Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize