alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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