matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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