honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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