ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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