sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize