Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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