we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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