You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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