Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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