I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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