i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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