Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
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Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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