have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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