That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
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Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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