Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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