so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize