Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am midnight drunk by noon
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize