True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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