woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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