Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize