census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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