wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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