she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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