i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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