PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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