Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I AM VODKA MAN
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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