dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
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I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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