whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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