I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
