Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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