just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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