Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize