So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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