pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
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I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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