Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well you can't waste a boner
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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