i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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