Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize