dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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