so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize