Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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