youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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