we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
